Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Tallest Tales Ever Told Anywhere On Earth, And In Heaven, And Under The Earth Too!

I do not know why all these people are complaining about Nigeria! It is a perfect country! Everything works well in this country! We have uninterrupted electricity across the country, we have excellent express ways to rival the autobahns in Germany.

There is no polio in Nigeria, and pregnant women do not die of complications anymore, I can not remember entering any house without potable water! Nigeria is now better than the United States of America. Things are so good,that Americans are asking us to start a Nigerian visa lottery programme.

Our hospitals are now excellent! Barack Obama, and the King of Saudi Arabia, both came for medical check up last week.

Our workers enjoy the best minimum wage in the world, and our factories are producing above installed capacity!

Our high speed bullet trains are the best in the world! They move people from Lagos to Maiduguri, a distance of one thousand two hundred kilometers in three hours! The Indians, and the Chinese have sent their engineers to understudy our system! Our schools are the best in the world, the European Union has just sent the sixth batch this year, of experts from Europe, to understudy the Nigerian model!

Our graduates are the best in the world, our secondary school students,are competing with final year university undergraduates in England, and they are doing better than them! 

Oh! you should see our schools, and the support infrastructure. We have airconditioned classrooms, each student has a laptop, an Ipad, and a desktop! We no longer use conventional books, all our students now use e books!

American children have been secretly coming to school in Nigeria! They are claiming Nigerian parentage now! 

There are no beggars on our streets, and our streets are cleaner than the streets of Dubai!
Our ports are models of efficiency,everyday, we export finished goods to China, the Chinese are complaining, and begging us to control the dumping of Nigerian made products in their country! They have just summoned our ambassador to China for the third time this month!

Our government is the model of the rule of law, we run a zero deficit budget,we have no external,or internal debt,our foreign reserve is one hundred quintillion dollars! We are now lending to the European Union, the United States, China, Russia,the United Kingdom,the world Bank, the International Monetary Fund! The naira is an international currency! It exchanges at ten kobo to the dollar! I hear even the United States president now saves his money in Nigeria!

And we have reinvented democracy for the world. We hold elections without acrimony. Once votes are cast,the results are released within two minutes for the whole world!

Our legislators, now serve in the parliament pro bono, they receive no remuneration! They see it as an honour to make laws for the great country called Nigeria.

Our president is the model of efficiency. He no longer has time to play around on Facebook, he is planning how Nigeria would consolidate this new found 
greatness, we are now building a colony on the moon for Nigerians. 

 Our space programme has astronauts from all over the world coming to understudy us.
The Obasanjo space centre, just agreed to collaborate with NASA to build the ship that would take mankind to the edge of the universe! NASA won a keenly competed bid which included the European,and Russian space programmes!

Nigeria is the nearest thing to heaven! Life expectancy is now one hundred years for men, and women! People are now retiring from their country,to come and settle in Nigeria! 

(I wrote all the above in ten minutes, you can tell they are the tallest tales ever told on the internet!)

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