Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Letter To Dame Patience Jonathan.

My dear Dame Patience Jonathan, I thank god for your life o! The bad thing that bad people wished on you, food poisoning-appendicitis, did not come to pass! All glory to Jah, the Most High, for spearing your life for Nigeria!

As you are ensconced in the luxurious setting that the German people have created through their building an open, transparent, and democratic society, there are a few things I would like to trouble you with!

The first is the small matter of how you came to Germany in the first place: rumours ( you know I do not peddle them) have it that you were actually being treated in Nigeria for food poisoning! 

May the wishes of the enemies of Nigeria not come true, and may an American submarine run them over anytime they are driving to work! The same alligators (for anyone who alleges anything is an alligator in my book) claim that you were not suffering from food poisoning, but appendicitis! Jesu oyingboooooooooooo!

How can a presidential medical team, miss it so grossly? Could it be that the long-standing medical personnel, who were probably not from your husband's ethnic group, were replaced with new, inexperienced ones, who are ethnically correct? It is not possible, that such vital positions, are now being staffed on the bases of ethnic considerations! I know your husband does not do things like that!

My beloved Dame, please be patient with my "merry-go-rounding", the Yoruba people have a proverb, that when the Moslem cleric, who usually sports a full, and lush beard, is consumed in a fire incident, that it is spurious to inquire if his beautiful beard survived the fire! Also, Ola Rotimi, of blessed memory, also wrote, that when crocodiles begin to eat their eggs, that there is nothing they would not do to the flesh of frogs! 

Madam, if you, the Very First, and Only Lady of Nigeria et cetera et cetera et cetera, could suffer such egregious medical malpractice, you can imagine what the rest of us, your always humble subjects, who patronize the popular side, when it comes to medicare, have to put up with!

We are daily at the receiving end of our own home-grown Jekyll, and Hyde, cum Dr Frankenstein! People go to hospitals for minor complaints, and when next they would emerge after some days, it is in a narrow wooden box, on the way to the cemetery!

I am sure you Remember Racheal Adinoyi Onukaba, the wife of Adinoyi Onukaba, whose case was scandalously mismanaged at the wrongly named National Hospital, Abuja, a supposed centre of excellence! You may also recall the case of Adeola Olulana, the female journalist who died in Lagos two years ago, who was refused medical care, for lack of money at four am in the morning!

My humble appeal to you is this, when next you find yourself lying on the chest of your husband, our president ( I know it does not happen often often, because you are so busy serving Nigeria, and are not given to such worldly matters), tell him to give us hospitals that actually save lives, and not the mere portals to morgues they are gradually becoming!

I thank God for your life o, because it was only food poisoning-appendicitis, that you had! You can imagine what would have happened, if it had been something more serious, like a pulmonary embolism, or a coronary thrombosis, with either of these, Germany would have been too far!

Please give our love to the doctors that treated president Yar Adua, you may be shocked to find out, that the hospital is probably owned by a Nigerian who stole public money, and went to Germany to invest!

I know you, and your husband are not like that, you can never steal Nigeria's money, why should you, you being a permanent secretary, with your pension to look forward to!

As you recuperate with delicate Deutsche delicacies, I bid you, auf wiedersehen!

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